I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
