Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
