I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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