so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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