we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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