3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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