Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
