No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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