we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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