My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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