Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Randomize
