I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
