If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
