omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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