just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
