Someone shit on the floor
I think my vagina is haunted
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
