You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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