peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
