so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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