I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
