Plan B is the new Plan A
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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