In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
