I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
