You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
