Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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