Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
