Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
