I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
worst night to have a conscience
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
