bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
