New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
