I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
