When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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