If that was your dad, he is hot
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
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The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
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When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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