so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
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I fill condoms, not promises.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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