yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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