It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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