Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
