I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
