So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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