i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
