I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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