You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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