I can tuck mytits in my pants
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
