She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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