Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I currently don't understand fingers.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
