I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
