If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize