therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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