You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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