Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
