A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
