i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
