peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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