I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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