He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
4 words: hood of his car
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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