Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
