last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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