stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
