You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
