we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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