Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
