I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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