I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You are the jesus of drinking
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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