omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
