I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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