I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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