don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
