Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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