I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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