69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
