what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
