Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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