i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
