So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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