he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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