Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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