btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
