Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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