you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
