I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
